So I come home from work and go upstairs and open the bathroom door. A horrific STINK hits me like a board.
"What the fuck??" I say to myself, and go back DOWNSTAIRS for the Lysol. Before liberally spraying the air I take a quick wiff of the trash can. Nope, that's not it-- there's a poopy diaper in there, no doubt, but the stink I'm smelling smells more like 3 week old urine or something. Horrible.
THEN I open the lid of the toilet.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I cry unto the heavens. The bowl is a hideous shade of cloudy yellow. I grab a bottle of bleach sitting on the counter and pour about 3/4 of it in and shut the lid quickly.
The following is a more-or-less verbatim exchange between me and my spouse:
ME: have you been peeing in the toilet and leaving it there?!
SPOUSE-UNIT: yes. The toilet doesn't flush.
ME: well, of course it doesn't!! Why the hell did you do that? Why didn't you just use the downstairs bathroom?
S.U.: I had to go in the middle of the night!
ME: well, shit, why not just pee in the bathtub and then rinse it?
S.U.: ewww! That's gross!!
ME: [dumfounded] and that horrible stink that's fugging up the entire 2nd floor ISN'T?!? A toilet bowl full of pee that's culturing bacterea ISN'T gross?!"
I don't understand people. I don't understand 'em at all...
Goddamn, you look sexxxy with your ass hangin' out o' them pants, boy!!
THERE YA' GO!! THAT'S THE SPIRIT!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! IF YOU'RE GONNA SAGG YER PANTS, DO IT RIGHT, GODDAMNIT!!!
